How can I fix my inner dialogue and internal story?

 "Imagine you were taking care of yourself like you were someone you actually cared for" - Jordan Peterson

This is one of the most important chapters in this Blog, and one of the hardest to master.

Internal Monologue or inner speech refers to the inner voice in your head. It refers to the conversations the mind has with itself. You use it to think, to memorize things, to analyze and replay events of the past, etc.

The problem is that people never attempt to take control of this inner dialogue. For them, the voice in their head is automatic (involuntary), and as a result, the vast majority of people have a negative, self-sabotaging inner dialogue.

Your inner dialogue cuts you down instead of building you up.
Think of it like this: if your close friend messes up something big time, and you’re trying to help him, how would you talk to him?

Would you talk to him constructively and encourage him to think of solutions instead of sulking or would you tell him that he's a worthless moron for making a mistake and that his life is over?

If you're a good friend, you will do the former. But do you do the same for yourself?

When you make a mistake, do you think constructively and encourage yourself to learn from it? Or do you call yourself a worthless moron for making that mistake?

Why would you not extend to yourself the same courtesy that you would extend to a friend?

A lot of it comes down to society because that's where we first pick up the tone of our inner monologue from, both as children and as adults.

Society, in general, is often negative, dramatic, and overly critical. We get our "mental programming" by observing other people, who themselves are not in control of their lives. (Refer back to my earlier dialogue on sitcoms and personality templates)

Gaining control over your inner dialogue can literally change your life because everything you can and cannot do is limited by how and what you think.

However, getting control over that inner dialogue takes A LOT of conscious effort and practice. (So, if you find yourself failing, don't be disheartened. This is a really difficult task, and you are not expected to master it in 60 days - it takes years.)
Here is how we will improve the quality of our inner dialogue (and make it more intentional) :

Treat Yourself Like a Friend You Are Responsible For Helping:

Every time you catch yourself having a negative internal monologue, take a moment to pause.
Then, manually be encouraging towards yourself. Gently guide your inner voice to say things that help you make the situation better.

Consciously bend it to your will (i.e., reprogram it) to be positive - to build you up instead of cutting you down.

You'll have to be vigilant because often you're not even aware that you’re having an internal conversation. Even becoming aware of that inner conversation takes some amount of deliberation for many people.

For example, "I'm an idiot" becomes "Everyone makes mistakes. I have now learned from it and I will try not to repeat it. In this way, my mistake has helped me grow, learn, and improve and I’m glad to have had this as a learning opportunity."

Re-frame Problems as Opportunities:

As you consciously try to be aware of your internal monologue, you'll notice that you have your worst internal conversations when you face a problem, especially ones that you cannot solve easily.

Here, we will re-frame the problem as some kind of an opportunity – be it an opportunity to learn, or an opportunity to test your capabilities, or even an opportunity to become stronger through hardship.

Here are some examples of how you can go about doing that:

You will find that as you reframe problems as opportunities, they won't seem that big and challenging anymore.
You will also be more motivated to solve them rather than just sulking and becoming frustrated.

You need to consciously wire your brain to think in opportunities and abundance. The difference in thought process is what sets winners apart from the whiners and the naysayers.

If you're one of those goal-oriented people who plan on skipping the implementation of this chapter because it doesn’t feel like doing anything tangible - don't. This is one of the most important chapters in this blog and has the farthest reaching impact.